I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
