I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
