did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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