Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
