I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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