she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
is it fun? or sober?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
