How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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