shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
