Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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