I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize