Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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