If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize