If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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