Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
