youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
