You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
