I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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