Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
