i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
