2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
