I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
