There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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