So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
