we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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