If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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