I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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