It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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