She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
