Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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