Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
