Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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