i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
