He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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