she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
