so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
