Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
