How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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