There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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