Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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