Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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