I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
