somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
