Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
