So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
