what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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