I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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