I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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