his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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