I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
