that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
