just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
