We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
