I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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