Don't make out with my wife yet
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
