I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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