Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
