last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
