Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i think i just lost a toe
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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