Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
