i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
