Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
