My hand turned me down
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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