i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
