I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
