My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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