oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
