another moral hangover. fuck.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So apparently I’m into choking now
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
