i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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