Just mADE A PArabola og urine
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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