this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
