ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
