I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
