so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
