i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
