Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
