dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
