Fine. I'll sleep in my office
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize