Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
