we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
