Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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